Miriam’s joke
First posted 05:37am (Mla time) Oct 04, 2005
By Rowena Guanzon
INQ7.net
A TEXT MESSAGE that is going around these days goes, “Cory cannot tell a lie. Gloria cannot tell the truth. Erap [Joseph Estrada] does not know the difference.”
A few days ago, I was in stitches as I listened to Korina Sanchez read Executive Order Number 464 like it was a verse in the Bible, while calling Gloria Macapagal-Arroyo “panginoong pangulo” [lord president].
We Filipinos have a way of making fun of our troubles, and we are probably are the only people in the world who, in the worst times, can still crack a joke. We are like that man who has a knife stuck in his belly and when asked, “Does it hurt?” answers, “Only when I laugh.”
We have heard all sorts of jokes, and true to the nature of Filipinos, Erap won votes with his Erap jokes. But the “revelation” of Senator Miriam Defensor Santiago that she heard from a “chattering relative” of Senate President Franklin Drilon that Cory Aquino and Drilon are involved in a plot to hatch a coup d’état or to “physically remove” Gloria Arroyo by Oct. 15, is not funny. Cory Aquino plotting to murder someone? Ridiculous. Preposterous. Incredible. (E-mail me if you know of other fitting words). We have plenty of tolerance for “tsismis” [gossip] but this is one that is hard to swallow.
Miriam Santiago, also a Senator from the province of Iloilo like Franklin Drilon, is a bright lawyer and uses colorful, picturesque language. Her creativity in the use of the English language has given us enjoyment over the years. She was nearly elected president with her sharp words and no-nonsense stance, picturing herself as a graft buster, when these were a novelty to the voters. To this day, Senator Santiago maintains that Fidel Ramos cheated her of the presidency. Now they are on the same side for the defense of Gloria Arroyo, which proves that politics indeed makes strange bedfellows.
Senator Santiago’s independence is what her fans miss. Once upon a time a lot of people looked up to her as their champion as she made fun of crooks and crooked politicians. But this is one joke that will not click, and this time, people are not amused. Her statement is clearly hearsay, and coming from an illustrious alumna of the University of the Philippines and a former judge, it is obvious, even to Senator Santiago, that Senator Santiago has fired a dud. This is a serious accusation against a former president of the Republic no less, and an incumbent Senate president. But what did Miriam Santiago hope to achieve? Cloaked with parliamentary immunity, can she say whatever she wants to say against Cory Aquino and Franklin Drilon and escape censure by her peers in the Senate?
It would have ended with that, for the public is used to Senator Santiago’s frequent defense of Gloria Arroyo. But without missing a beat, Justice Secretary Raul Gonzalez, who is just to happy to get a shot at Cory Aquino again, was quick to capitalize on Santiago’s “revelation.” He has ordered the National Bureau of Investigation (NBI) to investigate a “possible plot” against Gloria Arroyo, and investigate all persons involved, emphasizing that this should be done “regardless of status.” By that he means Cory Aquino and Frank Drilon. What if a senator also says that Secretary Raul Gonzalez, according to a reliable source (say, his former housekeeper’s lover), is keeping gold bars and US dollars in his residence that will wipe out our entire foreign debt. Will Secretary Gonzalez submit to an investigation by the Ombudsman? Will the Ombudsman initiate an investigation?
I wonder what the NBI’s Director Reynaldo Wycoco is going to do. I think he is also wondering what he is supposed to do. Have Cory Aquino followed? But the administration is probably doing that already. Investigate the Senate president? How? Based on what? Hearsay evidence? An unlawful order from Gonzalez? Are they going to bug the phone of Frank Drilon? If they had done that while last week’s Negros Fair was ongoing, they might have heard Drilon’s yearning for “ginamos” [shrimp paste], “pancit molo”, and “piyaya.”
Since they have no witness, they should handcuff the chattering relative of Frank Drilon and give her a very cold shower until she talks. While she is at it, she might “confess” to all other things, such as the one she might have forgotten, which is, that someone told her that Drilon is keeping an armory in a secret house, ready for a coup d’état. The plot really thickens. Then they can padlock the Senate, declare whatever they wanna call it, and warn the people that anyone who joins a rally will get a “calibrated” clubbing before being thrown in the worst smelling jail in Metro Manila. The people will rise in protest and flood the streets. Then the police can use “calibrated preemptive response,” which does not mean they will calibrate the intelligence of their law enforcers. They mean that they will use force, but the degree or method will be “calibrated.” If you look like a vagrant, you will get clubbed with a steel pipe. If you look like a name in Metro Manila is named after your family name, you will be paddled softly. But just to show all of you that prison is no place for nice people, they will throw all you in jail. They said they would spare no one who joins a rally without a permit, not even Cory Aquino.
We all know, because we can take “judicial notice,” that Cory Aquino, former president of the Republic of the Philippines whose husband Ninoy was murdered, will never have anyone killed, much less agree to have anyone killed. But she will not be silenced for fear that she will be accused of plotting to have someone killed, or involved in a conspiracy to commit rebellion. I met her in the Negros Fair the other day, and she briefly mentioned that accusation with a smile, as if reporting on the bad state of the weather.
