however, that may not be practical unless she is a permanent resident there and can petition her children to join her. if her mother or sister is in the Philippines, then there is also the possibility that during the custody case, she can ask the court that the children be in the temporary custody of her mother because she is abroad.

but it is good that you gave a good side of Vicky.

R. Guanzon

Apparently, the truth has many versions. In my experience, the sensationalized versions are never accurate.

A ‘sister in law’ (she’s actually the sister of my brother’s wife) was a battered wife for most of the 10 years that she lived in Manila – we didn’t know of her troubles until my brother and I went on a visit to Manila for a family reunion; this ‘sister in law’ said she couldn’t attend the scheduled reunion because she was quite ill so we decided to pay her a surprise visit in her home in 2001 – horror of all horrors – we found her thoroughly bruised all over and with a broken wrist.

She used to be a working mother and would have continued a career in banking if her husband, who was working for the same bank but in a different branch had not stood in the way.

From what we gathered, the husband had been taking drugs and when he was high, turned into blinding jealous rage beating my ‘sister in law’ and often, till she was unconcious even as their 2 children watched while she was being battered.

Her employer asked her to quit her job 5 years into the marriage ( as asst. manager for a bank branch) because she’s been irregular in her office work and never managed to stick to a job more than a month or two after that (because absentism).

During that visit we listened to horror story of her life (she’s tried to commit suicide 3 or 4x but the husband managed to take her to the hospital to save her but this didn’t stop the him from battering her). Right then and there, arranged to put her in a safe house and contacted a lawyer recommended by someone to start legal separation proceedings.

After listening to her tales of horror, I detected that she was suffering from battered wife syndrome; in spite of her education, her good family background (hers), her middle-class social status were not sufficient enough for her to muster courage and conviction to leave the husband because she was the classic battered wife

We left the Philippines but kept constant watch over and contact with her. The husband got wind of her whereabouts (actually she was holed up in a condo with a sister of mine), perhaps because her lawyer had to give her new address.

The husband came and threatened that if she didn’t go back to him, he’d kill the two children. She panicked and went back.

Apparently, as soon as she got into the house, he beat her so bad breaking her jaw (in front of the kids) that the kid had to call the police to take her to the hospital.

My sister with whom she had been staying in Manila called me in Europe to tell us what happened.

I decided that the only way to get my poor ‘sister in law’ from the clutches of the husband was to spirit her out of the country.

She’s been here since 2003.

However, her children are still with the husband. The oldest, a boy is now 14 or 15 years old and the younger one, a girl, is 13. Both manage to call their mother from time to time begging her to get them; the father has taken in a new wife and is still taking drugs (he’s lost his bank job) and the son has told his mother how his father has introduced them to x-rated movies; the daughter has tried to leave the house and tried to slash her wrist once.

Both children, from what we’ve heard, are battered children too.

My ‘sister in law’ is saving money, working literally 16 to 18 hours a day to pay for a way to get her children out of the country.

We all seem to be helpless here because most of us are living abroad and there’s no one from either my side or my sister-in-law’s side who could physically help to save the children from their father’s abuse.

I want to help her but don’t know any good lawyer who’s expert in family but after reading your column, I felt a sigh of relief.

I would like to encourage my sister-in-law to trust lawyers again (after her initial experience, she became wary of lawyers) and would appreciate it greatly if you could give me advice on how best to approach the matter with her and perhaps, reassure her that her children could still be saved from their father even or while they are still in the Philippines.

Thank you very much.

Thank you for the information.I really appreciate all your help in this matter.

Im grateful that Miss Plinky Recto forwarded my email to you. I’m one of the many of battered women in this country and im hoping that our lawmakers will have time to review the R.A. 9262 and make it a major offense so that the abusers will have to learn their lessons in JAIL- a NO BAIL crime, so that the victims of violence (women and their children) will have REAL JUSTICE.and I think in this way, we can teach the abusive men and stop the abusers, abusers in the making effectively.